From Denise to You.
To have hope is to desire something with the expectation of obtainment as defined by Merriam-Webster. When I was told that there was no possibility of me ever having my own biological children, panic took hold of me. I couldn’t fathom the idea of never being a mother. I awoke with the intense longing for a baby and went to sleep with the very same obsessive craving. While I had hope, I had no idea when or from where my bundle of joy(s) would come and that nearly drove me crazy.
Once I accepted the fact that my husband and I were going to have to come up with a work-around solution, we began to devise a plan that would hopefully lead us to our unborn child(ren). The most difficult part for us was agreeing on which path to take. My gut told me that adoption was the best route for us and my husband’s heart was pointed towards an anonymous egg donor cycle.
Our journey to becoming parents was physically, spiritually and emotionally draining; it tested everything I thought I knew about myself, my husband and those who were desperately trying to support us. In the end, we were blessed with 3 gorgeous sons. Our eldest came to us through a private domestic adoption and our identical twins were born just under a year later via an anonymous egg donor cycle.
I write a support blog Hope4Fertility that provides resources and encouragement for those trying to create their families through adoption and/or fertility treatments. In it, I stress the importance of those struggling to build their families to stay in the mind frame of WHEN and not IF. I discuss how we navigated the adoption process and built a relationship with our son’s birth mother. It only took us 10 months from filling out the initial paperwork to when we took our newborn son home. I feel that the connection we established with our son’s birth mother was what solidified her decision to allow us to be his parents. When we went through the egg donor process, our anonymous donor only created 1 egg. Our endocrinologist was of the opinion that the cycle would likely end in failure. He was just as stunned as we were when the first ultra-sound revealed that I was pregnant with identical twins. My pregnancy with the twins was highly risky and I suffered tremendous trauma when they were born. Thanks to an amazing group of medical professionals, I was granted me the gift of raising our 3 boys.
My personal belief is that our minds and spirits play just as important a role in our fertility as do our bodies. Even though I didn’t get to experience the idealistic pregnancy or birth all of my sons, I love how they all made their way to me/us–truly. Their journeys were all uniquely beautiful and make me cherish them all the more. In addition to our oldest son’s selfless birth mother and our younger sons’ amazing egg donor, we will be forever grateful to an entire team of dedicated people who helped create our family. I went from wondering and wishing to loving our 3 sons and I thank God for them every day. I am 100% certain that my bond with them is just as strong and as deep as if they shared my DNA. They have my heart and that’s all that matters to me.